I started 2017 resolving to be free. I knew before the clock struck midnight on December 31 that this would shape up to be the most magic-filled year of my life thus far. I had no idea just how right my intuition was. This freedom has extended into areas of my life that surprised me. Like into my self love practice. .
I realized that I had come to only truly feel beautiful when my makeup was applied and looking flawless. When exactly I had that realization, I couldn't pinpoint. I don't recall there being a single earth shattering moment, but rather, a culmination of days and emotions and events that reminded me that self love extends above the shoulders.
One morning, after a particularly blissful 6 am yoga class, I decided I didn't feel like putting makeup on for work. I actually felt like I looked really radiant and beautiful. This marked the first day in over 2 years at this job that I would go sans makeup. I had this day built up in my mind, I would receive sideways glances, comments from co-workers about how tired I looked, or be peppered with questions wondering if I was sick or what was wrong. Our minds do that, don't they? They set the stage for the worst. That didn't happen. I received one comment about looking tired, and I let it go.
For all intents and purposes, I was tired. Tired of carrying the weight of a woman that I felt like I had to be. Tired of living a life that did not represent who I was or wanted to be. Exhausted from the burden of denying my soul freedom. Maybe you're thinking, "Kaitlyn... it's makeup. Can you stop being so dramatic?" But for me, it wasn't the makeup itself... it was all of the reasons behind it, all of the symbolism that covering myself up carried. I don't know that I ever dated a man who saw my face without makeup within the first month of being together. And then, somehow, this one came along and we decided to go to a spin class for the first date. I had a choice, I could just be myself or I could have my safety blanket. I chose to show up that day, just as myself. I would like to think that one day, years from now, I will remember that all of the magic that came after started with that small but significant decision.
It's been about a little over a month now, and I rarely wear makeup. My skin hasn't been this clear in months. I have received more compliments about how I am radiant and glowing than I have possibly ever received in my life. I can now proudly say, this is what I look like. That extends to many areas of my life, this is who I am. When you meet me, feel confident in understanding that I will no longer squash myself to make you feel comfortable, or to fit your expectations.
Don't be fooled, it wasn't a comfortable feeling, stepping into that vulnerability. A naked face felt like a naked soul. When we are able to lean in, when we choose bravery, when we say fuck the fear? That is the space that the most growth takes place. That is where the magic happens. Your mind will build up scenarios where you will receive negative comments or people will talk behind your back or everyone you meet will think you aren't exquisite, and that's a bunch of bullshit. You don't need anyone in your life that holds that kind of opinion about you. You be you and let the rest of the world adjust. I encourage you to let go of your comfort blankets, slowly at first if you need. Maybe you would like to start a No Makeup Challenge? 7, 14 or 30 days without makeup. You ARE beautiful without it. You don't need it. Yes, it's fun. Yes, it's a creative outlet. If you are using it as a means to feel pretty or beautiful, I would recommend stepping away for a time.
Let your skin breathe. Let your soul heal.
Current skincare routine - once when I wake up and again before bed:
- TULA cleanser with my Clarisonic Mia 2 on high setting and a sensitive skin brush head
- Witch Hazel toner (that I found on Amazon)
- Moisturizer, I like First Aid Beauty or TULA
- Twice per week I will do a clay mask (I use whatever I have on hand from my ipsy subscription) and exfoliation
I still enjoy doing a full face of makeup for some events, it's a creative outlet for me. I do wear a couple of products to work on the daily, just because I feel it enhances my beauty and I am no longer hiding behind it. But I have to be careful to check in with why I am changing my appearance. It's ok to do so, just make sure you are checking in with yourself first.
Natural makeup routine:
- Colourpop Cosmetics eyebrow pot in Bangin' Brunette + Anastasia Beverly Hills brow definer in chocolate
- Mascara sometimes - sometimes not
- Colourpop Cosmetics highlighter in Lunch Money, Wisp or Candy Man.
- Moisturizing lip balm, sometimes a lippie from Colourpop or Tarte if I'm feeling sassy