I thought I knew what love felt like. I have loved before, I had considered marriage with another previously.
Coming from a broken marriage, I was always prepared to fly solo here in this world. I never really NEEDED a significant other.
I partied like the world was ending and drank like my life depended on it. Nights consisted of bar crawls and drinking competitions and men whose names I sometimes remembered. I had no real respect for myself or for my body. I let men disrespect me and I looked to feel worthy through the attention of men.
My mom never dated or remarried after my father so the idea of a man was not a constant in my life from my youth. Therefore, I always subconsciously feared abandonment. The men who existed in my love life all seemed as though they had potential, they all seemed like they could be good enough. You know, I could make it work. They weren’t necessarily horrible, I was happy most of the time.
I always figured it was my daddy issues that were part the problem, or that my vast imperfections just wouldn’t allow me to know the love that I listened to others tell about. I have been blessed to date some really great men, but it never quite worked out.
Little did I know I was not the problem at all. The reality of the situation was those people were not meant to be with me and I was not meant to be with them. It’s as simple as that. I know that you have heard it 500 times before, “when you know, you know,” but it really is true. You can never understand what that really means until you FEEL it. If you wonder if you have ever felt that, you haven’t. If you find yourself questioning, then this is not it for you.
I don’t think that your soulmate is the other half to your whole. I adamantly believe you should be whole all on your own. Your soulmate is whole as well, and together? You will complement one another perfectly. But the best relationships are not rooted in magic carpet rides. Rather, they are rooted in chaos and in unexpected crossroads; somewhere between the bliss and the burdens. Somehow my fairy tale has come to include grocery runs, dishes and house projects. Your fairytale must be able to endure heartache, hazards and health risks. Forget the fantasies and embrace reality— because that is truly where happily ever afters flourish most.
It's really hard to articulate something that is such a gut instinct. There is no too fast, or too slow. Like everything in this life, love looks and feels and moves at a different pace for everyone. I can only say that all the weird coincidences supported how I feel, the way we ride the same wavelength, the way he makes me feel alive, supported, loved, peaceful, challenged, admired, lucky, that we both just know.
Here’s how to tell if you are really with the right person:
They love like you do – If you don’t know your love language, I suggest taking the free quiz and reading up about it. This is something I definitely agree with and believe in. Your person will love like you do, because otherwise, you will just be spending your whole life convincing them to change instead of being enveloped in a love that already feels like home.
That grow together type of love – You will feel confident that your love will grow as you do. That no matter how many chapters will be written in your book, they will be there to read each page, to stand by you through life’s many seasons. They don’t feel threatened by the unknown of the future. While you may not see eye to eye on everything, you have similar life goals where it matters. You both want to be moving in the same direction.
It’s comfortable – There is no struggle to be smarter or funnier or more beautiful. You don’t feel like you need to be The Cool Girl or The Girl Next Door. You don’t want to be anyone but yourself around them. And they are just being themselves around you. It’s almost like you have known them before, they are so familiar.
Unprecedented passion – The chemistry will be 100… in case you were wondering where your sex drive may have been your whole life. This passion doesn't always mean sex, it can make holding hands feel electrified as well. It is not just a sexual chemistry, that you can find all over, this is a spiritual chemistry, your souls are connected.
Intense honesty – Your love is made true and simple by the amazing communication that comes from a place of honesty. You don’t have to be fearful of being vulnerable because they are matching that same honesty and vulnerability. You want them to know all the parts of you, about your day. This honesty will build a strong foundation for trust and connection.
There is more than love – If you have ever loved someone before and it just didn’t work out, was there a lot of love? Probably. Love alone just is not enough. When you find your person you will love them fiercely, but you will also admire them. There will be a deep level of respect. There will be aspects to this relationship that give you confidence that it will carry you through the good and the bad.
Hashtag blessed – You just feel really fucking lucky. You feel like you stepped outside when everything was going right. You wonder what you did to deserve this level of love. You know some people go their whole lives looking for THIS level of love, it feels so magical, and you just feel overwhelming grateful to have found them. This same feeling will also push you to want to be your best self.
Your heart and gut are on the same page – They both just know, This Is It. You and your person commit to each other whole-heartedly and without reservation. You both just KNOW and therefore don’t have to wonder.