I realized that most of you probably haven’t been following along on my journey through Instagram from the start so you may be confused as to what my path has been. I want to share with you my fitness journey and kind of how I ended up ‘here’.
I come from a very loving upbringing. But, my dad was not present in my life. When I turned 18 he totally abandoned any semblance of a relationship that we had had. This left me feeling unlovable, unwanted and broken. If the one man that was supposed to love you first, best and unconditionally couldn’t love me…well, what did that say about me? I was too young and too hurt to understand then that it had nothing to do with me. I went to university and I partied hard (but still graduated with honors, don’t get it twisted). I was in and out of a few serious relationships but mostly cheated on all of them. I got really heavy and then I lost the weight and was with someone that I loved SO much. But it was SO toxic. I was so toxic. I still drank a lot, I loved to party. I let that control who I was. I created fights, I perpetuated them. I was skinny, but I was unhealthy. I was skinny, but I was self-conscious. I was skinny, but it was not nearly enough. When that relationship ended, I found it difficult to breathe, to get out of bed, to think. It took weeks for me to be myself again. As time went on, I went about healing and finding myself and loving myself. Through this process, I gained a lot of weight. Through this process, I met a new byfriend and I was content to just stay at home with him. I was content to go to work, leave work, go home and lay on the couch.
Then something just clicked on. I was tired of crying in the closet. I was tired of not wanting to do things for fear of being seen. I found the 28 Day Jumpstart from Fit Girl’s Guide and I made a fitness Instagram to document my journey. I started with the food only and with incorporating walking into my every day. I believe it was 2 rounds before I really started doing the workouts but still I saw a lot of progress. For me, it’s easier to tackle one thing at a time. I then moved to their other cookbooks and even went through their Bootcamp program and saw awesome progress. This all led to huge physical changes. But most importantly? The internal changes. Those I could write a book about (and maybe I have something up my sleeve) but please understand that you have to shift your focus from the external to the internal. That is the only way to have true and lasting change.
I realized after doing so much calorie restrictions that I was getting very small and still wasn’t feeling satisfied. I would be hungry and binge-eat because my body was calling out for sustenance. This is when I moved away from FGG and started looking into macro tracking. I learned a lot through this process about how food is food. I learned a lot about portion sizes that was very beneficial and I also healed from viewing calories as this singularly important thing. I then moved away from that because it was still triggering obsessive behaviors and finally decided to just eat intuitively. What that means is that I am now really familiar with my body and what it needs, so I know when I am hungry and how much food I need to be satisfied. I eat when hungry, stop when full. I no longer place this huge stress on my body like I did for years about food. I could not tell you the last time I binged. I could not tell you the last time that I felt deprived. It is SO freeing and so wonderful to be at this place in my life.
As I found that my body felt better and responded better to a whole foods, plant based diet I continued with the intuitive eating. I went fully vegan on May 1st of 2016. I will speak lots more about this as I continue to blog, but just know that if you have ever considered going plant-based, you can absolutely reach out to me for guidance! It was one of the very best decisions I have EVER made for my health.
Today, I use a variety of workout routines. A lot of which come from Keep Going Kat because I love her loose approach. Nothing is one size fits all and she understands and nurtures that notion. I have found a great balance between lifting, HIIT and still going to spin class (which I love) one or two times per week. I just think it is important to try new things, experiment, listen to your body and then DO THE THINGS THAT YOU LIKE TO DO. I have found so much joy in lifting and what it does for my body, but I still also love to spin it out and get my heart worked out as well. Find your balance, whatever that looks like. It won’t look the same as it does for me or for anyone else.
It has been quite a journey for me and I want to continue to share my struggles and triumphs with you.
You are worth putting in the time and the effort to live your happiest and healthiest life.